its just me.

2010-08-05T23:26:00.000-07:00

i am feeling rather emotional these few days.
gone were the good old simple days.
entered the working world, and oh gosh, how much things have change.
everyone here has a thick layer of mask, all i could do is smile.
whatever gets into my way, i smile.
my signature smile to brace myself thru stormy days.
how superficial i am.

apparently i dont have a team at work, i am alone.
all alone with no one out there that i can seek comfort in enquiring.
how mundane working life is.
to add on, having a dad who doesnt understand doesnt really help matters.
oh wells.
just hope that all rumours in the office isnt coming true.
i really wouldnt wanna be transferred to the client's place alone.

whenever i look and observe other's life, i thought to myself.
they have very nice caring, supportive family, who stands by them in times of need, when they are sick, suffering from a heartbreak, or whatever crops up.
just having that avenue of listening is good enough.
how i envy people hanging out with their mum on a weekends, how i envy people having good meals with their families.
i used to imagine myself lying on my mum's lap burying my tears in her.
i guess its all my wishful thinking.

i have people around me who discovered certain illness in them, but they have a very supportive bunch of family members.
i used to think that i was in my tip top condition, having graduated, happy and contented with the way things are in my life, having dear people in my life who understands and constantly stand by me.

but surprisingly and really unfortunately, things took a turn.
people come and go in my life.
certain people left me in the lurch without bidding me a proper goodbye.
till now i wasnt giving any proper explanation other then a bunch of inadequate reasons.
and the dumb thing is i have to face the whole world of questions charging at my face ALONE when i wasnt sure what went wrong.
how selfish could everything gets.
is a friendship like that so difficult to maintain?
graduated and feeling that tinge of lost, tedious job hunting.
not knowing what i expect out of my first job. the amount of pressure i get from myself.

and during this pathetic period of time, i got so sick.
admittance to the hospitals on a few occasions left me with the emptiness and the same feeling i got when i lost my mum.
how ugly could things become?
went for scope, discovered certain faults in my body.
and during my lowest point in my life, i am plagued with a certain illness.

never ever felt so low in my 22 years of life.
and all these consequences bounds to me.
i have to face it ALONE.

within months, at your highest peak, you could be brought down to the lowest.
and i could only flash that faint smile (:
how ugly life is.

2010-06-15T10:33:00.000-07:00

in life, the cards we dealt with is never fair, however you just

have to keep smiling and move on.

2010-06-01T14:18:00.000-07:00

i have no idea why am i feeling so damn sore about everything.

letting go doesnt means that i should be well chucked aside right?

i believe i put in a certain amount of effort to feel at the very least appreciated.

perhaps being there is just another way of comforting me.

and it is something that would never occur.

its just another means of comforting me.

naive i may be.

at the very least on special occasions i made efforts to make sure things are right.

inviting the people you wanna see, perhaps i made a bloody wrong move.

from fussing over making sure i get something you like.

to making things right, entertaining people.

gosh, i feel so much like a fool.

then think about it, what about my special occasion?

what about my feelings?

what about the efforts that i am supposed to see from you?

i dont need monetary offers, i just want to feel appreciated.

perhaps i am just a bee buzzing around you and your friends' life.

i jolly well should disappear huh.

since i was never once being appreciated.

i dont need false reassurances.

oh wells.

sore and childish as i might be.

here's my uttermost feelings.

guess its never right for me to appear.

even though i ended things in a most hideous manner,

but i believe i ought to get the well deserved respect.

after putting so much effort, time, soul and whatever you name it.

you made me feel like a bloody loser.

2010-04-24T08:17:00.000-07:00

the ugly truth is, life can be really cynical.

its sad looking through the papers, seeing how ugly humanity is.

people getting hurt during natural disasters, bombings in a 'used-to-be' peaceful country.

yet there are people out there who are gloating over others misfortunates.

whats next?

i miss the times where i did overseas community projects.

it just takes you to a different world.

totally no ways of communication.

sometimes life should be that way.

hope my chance will come.

2010-03-23T08:01:00.000-07:00

my daily routine is projects, projects and projects.

when will it officially end?

i lost the motivation to study.

i dread going to school every single day, though its the tap card attendance system.

why did things start to take a change?

oh man, i seriously have no idea how to start this entry.

supposedly when i was skiving with jacky wu at mega bites, i had this inspiration to blog.

and that inspiration sorta poof-ed to mid air.

i really wanna rant this post out!

it sucks having such a feeling in your heart.

i was really so near there, imagine in my poly days, i found mr straight.

the whole relationship was smooth sailing.

it took a long time with huge efforts to build everything up.

trust, commitments, whatever you want you name it.

to think i actually loved someone so much.

i experience how a relationship is like, learnt to put things down a little.

changed for a better, put down my clubbing days.

i mean trust cant be built within a fortnight right?

little bickers, quarrels and arguments are inevitable.

but at the end of the day, both parties do learn to understand each other more. isnt it?

travelling overseas together, he making sure that i mug hard for exams.

when you know me, i have a super last min personality.

supporting me in times of crisis.

i actually opened up to him, sharing with him the lost of my mum.

bringing him into the family, introducing him to my dad.

it boils down to all this teeny weeny stuff.

to me, family is never an important thing in my life.

he brought me to understand where my dad is coming from.

even though he has committed a "crime", but ultimately he still loves me.

nevertheless, he stood by me, forever hushing me up.

still remember an incident that i watched a tv programme, and i was literally sobbing cuz i thought about my mum.

he stood by there silently.

whenever i was down, i knew he was always there.

perhaps because of that fact, i took things for granted.

its all the goodness that he did for me.

forever bringing me with surprises.

providing me that avenue of thoughts.

he's really something that every girl would have wanted.

unfortunately, when school started at sim for me, things started to change.

he was in army, and me at school.

the times we get to see each other, the amount of quality time grew lesser.

things took a turn.

i chose to give things up.

with my very own choice, i ruin every single thing that was built over a period of time.

there's no one to blame, except myself.

thinking back, i was selfish. i want the best of both worlds.

i wanted him, yet i wanted freedom.

i couldnt bring myself to admit that fact.

i am sorry for what i had done.

what if i didnt make that choice?

what would things become?

i guess everything's too late now.

perhaps its pay back time, i deserve what i get.

its just another emotional night out there.

hopefully tml will be a better day :)

thank you, mr w.

not expecting anything in return here, but just wanted to blog it off my heart.

to you, i am not materialistic. i was just being practical.

gonna turn 22 pretty soon, i just hope that it would be a smooth sailing one.

wouldnt dare expect much from you.

i remembered celebrating a birthday at pasta inc. :D

2010-03-16T10:06:00.000-07:00

IT FAIR!

finally the IT Fair ended, it totally killed me and jacky wu.

around 10am to 2am everyday?

seriously, all the time i worked at IT Fair, it wasnt that long hours.

on a side note, i kinda enjoy this job, though its pretty much stressful.

dealing with money is a heavy responsibility.

thank god i quit selling pirated phones! :P

everyone was complaining how long starhub took.

i dont understand what are some people thinking.

i mean you want cheap deals, you gotta pay a price for that right?

fancy shouting at the staff. wow. tak-glam la!

the workplace was like an igloo for me! cold to the max.

rushed for MC like mad after the IT Fair.

and some pathetic ungentleman was damn freaking rude. cheeetoot.

enjoyed myself at timbre just now.

hanging out with you brought me warmth.

anyway, i been to the CASINO! wooo.

though its not something to be proud about la.

i just enjoy observing people.

and its a waste of money for me to get in, esp when i dont gamble.

off to projects!

just wanted to blabber some random stuff! :D

2010-02-18T10:59:00.000-08:00

upon reading it, i feel so emotional.
how does it feel like getting en expensive watch for that somebody yet its just an ornament?
i mean its a gift apparently.
it just goes to say that the effort of earning that money to obtain it, is worthless.
or tell me, how you want to decipher that?
perhaps the significance of that gift is gone.
ok, i buy that.

heart warming messages are just heart wrenching messages.

memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things that they are, and the things that you wouldnt want to lose its substance.
i shall keep things the way it is.
before it is further tarnished.

she's just a past, wake up.
you're already out of the whole system.

heartaches

2010-02-09T11:52:00.000-08:00

the silent night suddenly brought back loads of memories.
it caused me a serious heartache.

i cant deny that i dun miss anything.

WARZONE

2010-02-02T08:51:00.000-08:00

i am in a midst of war at home.

well, i had waged a war few days back with dad.

i felt he's been wayy too much these days.

especially after his marriage?

come one, isnt it your responsibility to support your kids when you give birth to them?

if you want to push that responsibility away, you shouldnt have kids in the first place.

the fact is that i am currently studying, definitely not working.

therefore i dont have the ability to support myself.

even if i do, the financial status of myself isnt that stable as well.

you practically do not trust me at all.

utterly dissappointed.

why have you as a dad changed so much?

reallyy worried for my brother.

well, he's into some dangerous actions.

and recently his tattoo's wounds is badly infected due to that reason.

somehow i pray hard that my dad will never discover that truth.

or else its good bye.

fact #101

2010-01-19T10:54:00.000-08:00

when i heard about fact #101.
a pang of sadness struck me.
my apologies for casting upon you a huge amount of sorrows.

is it true that how long you love a person, it would take that same amount of time to forget that special someone?
i truly believe that when you hurt someone dear, it would hurt even more for the one who inflicted pain and sorrows.
its so true.

2010-01-14T07:31:00.000-08:00

suddenly it occurs to me that i am not at all the nicest person one could associate themselves with.
perhaps everyone should just stay away from me.
i am entitled to be alone.
or rather i should coop myself up at home.
and learn to save some bucks!

school is a dead bored killer.
its practically wasting my time.
my mind is wandering off else where the moment the teacher starts blabbering. geeesh.
that shouldnt be happening.
its my last sem (apparently, i hope).
and i guess i'll miss the oh-so-boring lectures when i enter the working dungeon!

tata!
the flu bug is killing me =(

bye 2009

2010-01-04T10:05:00.000-08:00

GOODBYE 2009!

and SAY HELLO TO 2010!

A HAPPY HAPPY 2010 TO ALL =)

guess i am a little late for such an entry.

well, 2009 passed by in a wink?
is it because i have been partying way too much?
or i have been trying to keep myself way too busy.

2009 marks the 5th year she departed from me.
but those memories remind vivid.
everytime i shut my eyes, how i wish i could feel her face.
sometimes i wake up from my sleep hoping that she is right beside me.

2009 i slowly learn to forget about the wreckage my dad created to the family.
but its a little impossible to forget.
it still stings having to see a stranger in the house?
yet this stranger is that someone who is pronounced as my 'stepmum'
its still impossible to talk to my dad privately.
due to that someone always being around.
imagine having to text my dad to talk when both are at hm.
yes oh yes, its that bad.
i have learnt to withstand drama mama nights. right jac?

2009 is when i took the courage to end things.
it took a bad turn, and i am forever labelled as a big fat meanie.
so be it.
what will be, will be.

2009, christmas eve is when my baby boy turns 2 yrs old!
he is such a sweet little thing.
he definitely brings much laughter and joy to my life.
craddling him in my arms, those innocent stares..
running wild in the house with his food bowl in his mouth. classic.
hope he enjoys his birthday cake and presents! =p

2009 is the year which i haven't been to any long trips.
its always malaysia malaysia jb jb kl kl. arghs. sick and tired of it!

2009, thank god i cleared my semester.
though i thought i would be dead.

2009, where i met many nice lovely friends who stood by me constantly.
not forgetting all the lovelies who keep me alive and kicking. heh.
kris, jac, da, ron, tx, joey, wan, ena, ed, bud, val, ben, adi, willie, reg, jade, heavan, winston, louis, lisa..
the list just goes on.
the best part of my life consists of my friendships! (:
saddest part is people come and go.
some friends whom i though were the best, proved my wrong.
misunderstandings occurred.
well, i just got to let things go.
you and i know that things would never be the same again.
i learnt to see the horrid ugly truth of certain people.
self centred? childish?
some who constantly fault others, but have they ever looked at themselves?
jumping into conclusions, burying themselves in a bundle of excuses?

2009, a dear friend, mandy, and 2 of my dear cousins got married.
imagine us travelling all the way to tengkha. the journey is fun!
wishing the dear girl a happy, blissful and long lasting marriage!

2009, prom for GVSS turned out fine.
though there were minor hiccups and its nice working with new ppl.

and in 2009, i turned 21!
time really flies.
really thankful for those who help out during my bday celebrations and those who turned up!
*bows. its deeply appreciated!

2010 2010 2010 2010 2010 2010

have i ever follow closely to my new year resolutions? HAHA.

here it goes.

#1. stop procastinating all the time.
~ guess i am never good at organizing stuff and managing my time. i definitely need a secretary.

#2. think of my future.
~ imagine i am gonna graduate in a few months down the road? hopefully i dont retake any modules. but what industry do i want to be in?

#3. for god's sake, freaking take my driving license. HAHA

#4. learn to put down my ego and look at things at a brighter side.

#5. forgive and forget.

#6. stop being so strong headed and stubborn all the time.

#7. i need to learn to save up money very very desperately!
~ why do they have such things as online blog shops and city plaza? heh.

#8. ignore some heart wrenching people in my life.
~ there is no reason that i should get constantly affected by them. leave me alone.

#9. perhaps i should learn to communicate more with my dad?

#10. upload photos on time!
~ bet most of my friends would second this, but cant help it, my internet connection is slow!

#11. take things my stride

#12. focus more on things that are important!

#13. SAVE MORE MONEY AND TRAVEL MORE! =p

#14. visit my relatives more often

#15. depend on myself in every areas

#16. keep fit! hit the gym regularly. HAHA.

i guess that's about it?

hopefully every new year will be a better one for me!

once again, HAPPY NEW YEAR! =)
big cheers!
wishing everyone around me to stay healthy and happy.
double Hs.

*wordy entry, sorry.

batam

2009-12-21T09:10:00.000-08:00

going back to batam is happy, memorable and relaxing.
yet it reminded me of those painful happenings.
i understand that many are trying to avoid those questions which reminded me abt my mum.
i can see those agony through their eyes.
especially when they say the wrong thing which they dont really mean it.
actually i am find with it.
but on this special night, while talking to my dear cousin in the room.
tears welled up my eyes.
its always the same old what if.
what if my mum is still living and alive.
what if the illness didnt took her away.
i guess my life is meant to be dramatic in a way.

everyone is utterly worried about me.
especially my relationship with my dad and well, his wife.
to me, i know she is pretty much a nice person.
but accepting her is another thing.
its always easy to say she is nice, should treat her better blah blah.
on the other hand, it cause a stir within myself.
the struggles to wonder how could she intrude into my life and my family.
i guess forgiving someone is never that easy.

after that her coming intruding, it seems like i can never have that perfect talk with my dad.
they practically stick by each other 24 hours a day?
when i am home, the 2 locked themselves in the room.
how is it for me to have proper communication with dad?
communicate communicate communicate...
its never easy ok! am i suppose to go "hey dad, get that woman out, we needa talk".
tables and chairs would start flying around.
having that talk is never easy.
i dun want to cause unnecessary stir.
suspicion occuring, conflicts arising.

frankly speaking, i just hate to wake up seeing the both of them in the house!
true enough, one can never choose his or her parents.
guess i just have to accept that fact that its my dad.
he just cant live alone, he desperately needs someone by him.

will that ounce of hatred ever subside?
i suppose not.

its difficult to face someone you dislike everyday.

i feel so much like a handicap now.

2009-12-10T22:24:00.000-08:00

the throat and lung infection is killing me.
i have been coughing like a mad dog.

regrets

2009-12-01T07:54:00.000-08:00

suddenly i feel entirely lost and 闷.
the affairs of the heart is definitely not a good thing to meddle with.

have you ever wondered how is it like being the audience in the theater and watch yourself re-enact the whole scene?

before i am able to find her, i must first find myself.

ultimately, sadness is always the legacy of our past.
and so happen to be that regrets are pains of the memory.

in life, it is always learning to accept what you cannot change.
learning to love life as it really happens, not as to have it happen.
life is meant for a battle between misery and bliss.

i understand that those friends of yours attaches unkindness to criticism.
i jolly well know that they are angry on your behalf.
i give thumbs up for angry people to criticize as an outlet for their anger.
therefore, i am nice enough to forgive.
but its certain that they have no right to speak.
seeking your sole, haven't you made any mistakes yourself?

i learnt it the hard way since 16.
i am able to take things my stride (:

when your day isn't perfect, its not a failure or terrible loss.
its simply another day.

2009-11-19T01:59:00.000-08:00

technically, i am always labelled as a big fat meanie.
having such things like "no more sorrows".
with people applauding such acts.
perhaps in the minds of others, i am the criminal to his sorrows.
from the start till now, it forever is.

its just a meet up.
whats there to chicken out?

its actually nothing so serious.
but why stir it up?

2009-11-16T03:03:00.000-08:00

i wanna go malacca again! i love the foodie there! (:

anyway, just came back from mandy's wedding in msia, larkin.
the journey to and fro is time consuming.
nevertheless, the process is enjoyable.
wishing them a happy and blissful marriage!

when i arrived back in spore today, emptiness filled me.
i felt like i lost touch with spore for a long period of time.
these few days suddenly seemed like months.
a weird but heart wrenching feeling.

a little something, but its asked to be kept.
isnt that a little unappreciative?
i just figure out that it might be useful.

if you detest me, just sound it out.
i can really understand that.

2009-11-10T06:14:00.001-08:00

please grant the little boy a better someone who will make him feel loved.

perhaps 10 years down the road, that pang of sadness will strike her.
for the way that she have treated him.
regrets? supposedly it'll come.

everyone's mummy bringing them overseas during the holidays.
where's mine?

arghh.

2009-10-29T03:23:00.000-07:00

快乐好像离我越来越远

2009-10-27T01:37:00.000-07:00

its pretty demoralizing for the 1st paper that i have taken.

cant wait for exams to end!

I WANT TO BE FREED!

2009-10-08T01:45:00.000-07:00

with the sudden standstill, it seems as though all my busy schedule is gone.

facing the aftermath of a rainy afternoon, it seems that i am left alone in this world.

everyone seems like strangers to me.

i seem to let each day passing through me like the wind.

the pain within me is unbearable.

i choose to let go many beautiful things around me.

and it seems like i will never be able to find it back.

how i hope everything could come to a standstill.

all i hear is the splattering of tear drops.

when will i learn from my mistakes?

站在窗前眺望

今天的风景会不会不一样

能不能就停止悲伤

雨水模糊了我的双眼

你却不能看见

轻轻滑落的泪水

是我对你的想念

在雨中思念想念挂念惦念留念怀念

不停的念你的名字

那是我曾经拥有过的

最美最好的幸福

雨中的思念想念挂念惦念留念怀念

我感觉到我好孤独

fuck off.

2009-09-25T23:58:00.000-07:00

it just doesnt feel good to be accused.

withstanding the momentarily shift in moodswings and attitude.

one moment an angel, one moment a devil.

you neglected my pride and dignity.

i just feel like a suspect all the time.

but i aint a criminal for god's sake.

where's my liberty? =(

dun trust me, so be it.

i will never be someone trustworthy in your heart anyway.

i guess i am trying too hard.

2009-09-16T05:20:00.000-07:00

seriously my blogger is rather dead by now.

no photos, no nothing. its just rants rants and rants.

haha, the point is.. i have tonnes of projects datelines to meet!

the projects are taking a death toll on me.

with the countless sleepless nights, and the never ending stares into the computer screen.

the hours i spent using the laptop is amazing.

with the bad internet connection, i am always in a frenzy.

i cant afford for my internet to just die on me.

anyway, was supposed to be a hardworking lady earning some big bucks during the IT show.

but much to my disappointment, i only sold 1 on the first day!

after standing for like approximately 8 hours? its bonkus!

it was a mutual decision within the few of us to be bastards and mia from work. haha.

we just disappeared into thin air. never would we see johnson or jack again.

*cross my fingers, hopefully not.

we are apparently rather irresponsible, but i dun want to be treated as cheap labour.

after the lack of sleep and the piling up of project assignments.

i thought i could work and save up during the weekends.

i ended up spending more on food food food and play!

went to ulu mama places like greenwood avenue? the food at fish shop was super delicious!

*lazy to upload photos!

and i am in addiction with island creamery ice cream! slurps.

i brought mr dear hugo back during the week and dad went insane with it.

arghh, i cant be bothered.

EG, SM and HR! jiayou ladies! (:

and money money pls come to mummy!

2009-09-07T12:08:00.000-07:00

I am !$#%(!%( pissed over DC.

its totally getting on my nerves.

FUCK!

**********************************************
everyone deserves respect.

ultimately everyone's in it together.

sometimes its best to sit back and listen to others with your heart.

no point feeling so uptight about things.

"Sometimes it's important to work for that pot of gold. But other times it's essential to take time off and to make sure that your most important decision in the day simply consists of choosing which color to slide down on the rainbow."

2009-08-03T04:08:00.000-07:00

suddenly this whole issue has affected me deeply again.
How many times do i have to go through this whole damn emotional thing?
i thought i have gotten over with that fact.
that we belong to different cliques.
aint that so?
ultimately, i guess i just want to be alone.

2009-07-13T11:26:00.000-07:00

life is about making choice right?

why dont i have a choice in choosing who my family members are?

momentary lost of words.

can you imagine him wanting to throw a phone at me?

ranting at everyone like everyone's a slave.

worse still, he even wanted to throw a slap across my face.

all i hope is to come home have a good rest after a dreadful bound of fever and flu.

looks like i am so wrong.

imagine him believing in his wife but not me?

i guess in life i will never be able to master the art of forgiveness.

because whenever i am about to forgive, things occur.

to forgive may be divine, but no one ever said it was easy

when someone has deeply hurt you, it can be extremely difficult to let go of your grudges.

for now i can only tolerate.

i swear that one day i will get away from all these sorrows.

and you, it will simply be a goodbye.

karma? so be it.

thats how i am being treated right from the start.

2009-07-13T09:54:00.000-07:00

its odd how fate does wonders in life.

imagine how 2 person who sorta detest each other come together and become good friends.

i think we knew each other like 2 3 years back?

good friends beyond that extent of doubts.

words need not be surfaced yet thoughts are transmitted.

how amazing things work out to be.

she being the one who understand my thoughts and feel.

she being the one who stood by me countlessly.

without uttering a single word she knows that i am down, really down.

we practically see each other every day yet we never grow sick contacting.

all i can say is thank you! (:

you know who you are.

i enjoy such friendships.

friendships shldnt be pressurizing.

in life, people come and go.

in every phrase of life, you discover new people yet abandon away some.

at this very point of my life, you will realise that certain people that you have been contacting for some time just gradually disappeared.

and they may not be the ones who would be there for you when you needed them.

i believe in reciprocrating friendships?

ever encountered someone who only look for you when he/she is feeling down?

yet when you needed them you realised there is no replies.

gradually you will only be required when needed. disappointments occur.

in the end, things take a sour note. and you know that he/she is never the friend you wanted.

i am well aware who my friends are.

what about you?

gotta admit that certain friends are leisure friends.

they are those that you can party around with, but never someone whom you will share sorrows!

i hate being treated like dirt. fancy hollering me when needed.

people change in accordance to the environment. dont you agree?

imagine typing this entry halfway.

and my fucking dad want to throw the freaking phone at me.

FUCK SHIT!

2009-07-03T09:57:00.001-07:00

its obvious.

everyone's driving me to graveyard.

i hate it.

2009-06-10T03:12:00.000-07:00

i got something to confess.

seriously i may appear that its nothing.

but i hate such friendships.

like common friends, clubbing khakis.

argh. why not everything just end?

i hope to disappear from everyone.

i dun wish to hear anything about it.

2009-04-30T09:30:00.000-07:00

bb's down. and i guess i had poor management skills.
wasted alot of time on it, apparently the effort's down the drain.

recently, i just feel like shunning myself away from the world.
wanting to just disappear into thin air.
or that someone could just take me away.
i just wannna lie around and indulge in the lovely series of books i got.

tml is the 1st of may again.
5 years fly by so quickly.
imagine backtracking to the 1st of may 5 years ago?
the feeling at the hospital is horrifying.
that excruciating pain is unforgettable.
reality seems to be always that harsh.

i remember waking up with my pillow totally wet.
telling her not to leave.
but despite the pleadings, she left without uttering a word.
in the end, i realised that i am all alone.
left behind the lurch.
why do i take such a long time to pass that mourning phase?

i love you mum(:

2009-04-20T10:07:00.000-07:00

good gracious!

exams are less than a week's time.

and i am still hopping around!

sad

2009-04-15T06:43:00.000-07:00

i have no idea why am i feeling the way i am feeling.

it shldnt be the case! when i was the one who brought hurt upon you.

in fact i brought despair upon you.

i choose the abandon everything that i have built with my bare hands.

but why am i crying over spilled milk?

its my own wrongdoings, hence i couldnt express how i truly feel.

我最怕回忆突然翻滚

最怕突然听到你的消息

突然好想你

regina's 21st(:

2009-04-13T10:20:00.000-07:00

finally i manage to have time to upload reg's sweet 21st.

haha, guess she feels like killing me.

but its the first time i bother editing pictures.

forgive me ok! anyway, hope you enjoyed your 21st(:

i love them to bits!

its the mugging period.

its driving me crazy.

i feel so stressed.

i procastinate alot. sighs.

and and and my exams start end april till may.

wish me luck pls.

okuribito

2009-04-09T01:25:00.000-07:00

initially i was dragged into the cinema to watch this movie titled "departures".
i have no idea what was it.
but halfway through the movie, i was tearing like mad.
in conjunction to the paying respect to my mum on a rainy sun afternoon.
my mood was pretty much on the down side.
after the movie, it was worse.
i wanted to just cry out loud.

but nonetheless, it was a good film.
you guys should catch it(:
"okuribito" meaning departures is a film abt this guy daigo kobayashi.
he mistook a classified ad thinking that its a travel agency.
in fact, the job he applied for is actually an "encoffineer".
it is a funeral professional who prepares deceased bodies for burial and entry into the next life.
the film was filmed with much details.
that i could vividly remembered how my mum left me.
i could remember every single detail regarding the funeral.
everyone surrounding daigo depised his job, which instead, he took pride in his work.

i am afraid someone else would be taken away from me.
the loss and grief process of losing someone is neverending.
it goes pretty much to a pt in time that you tend to nt want to face reality.
the process of mourning is long. everything just seems to happen yst.
its like during your 21st bday celebration, you desperately search out for her face in the crowd.
but you realised she's gone. she never gonna come back.
the painful and traumatic experience cant be easily described.
i have no idea which stage i belong.
the denial and isolation? anger? bargain? depression?
final acceptance is never in me.
i admit that the initial shock has worn off me, i have entered an adjustment phase.
but have i really moved on?
within me, i dun deny having to feel the gut wrenching pain deep in me.
and that occurs especially at night.

i feel so dumb.

i thought i can find the similarities of him in someone else.

but i am god damn wrong.

outta my mind.

2009-04-04T01:13:00.000-07:00

i have yet to update abt my 21st birthday which was a huge blast.

all thanks to my beloved friends and family(:

and this is the first time i received smth from my bro.

really sweet of him. totally digg it(:

once again, thanks for all the lovely wishes and presents!!

from 3rdapril2009 onwards, everything must be out of my mind

no more tears.

no more sorrows.

no more contradictory thoughts.

the memories, the things we did, all must be erased.

i have better things to focus on.

like what everyone said.

people come and go.

i jolly well have to accept that fact.

its high time to learn and rely on myself.

emo

2009-03-26T11:49:00.000-07:00

when things are on the unlucky side. it can really be that unlucky.

imagine the big 21st bday celebration coming soon.

and i totally sprained my ankle.

during the celebration, my ankle will be bandaged.

sighs. i feel totally moodless.

after reading the blog entry.

i suppose i will take my leave.

its like a cycle, making you sad, then you mum emo.

and i have no idea what did my dad heard.

first and foremost, i dont let my dad know abt such stuff.

i mean why shld i even tell him?

but it seems like my dad knows everything, worse still, it aint from me.

i dun understand why do people drag others into their relationship issues.

aint everyone suppose to settle their own stuff?

i gave in.

i tried hard enough.

all of you may think i am at fault.

so be it.

detest me.

i dun have to explain to anyone abt my actions, especially to that grp of you.

detest

2009-03-22T11:21:00.000-07:00

i seriously detest my own forgetful-ness and clumsiness for loosing things constantly.

my file is gone, yet i have no idea where is it!

oh my shit.

things get lost at the weirdest moments.

btw, congratulations to dene.

may your marriage be a blissful one(:

ORGANIZATION THEORY!! arghhs.

baby

2009-03-10T09:40:00.000-07:00

look at my lovely baby boy.

i love him though he's a monster most of the times.

2009-03-10T09:00:00.000-07:00

thanks MRW for my new organizer. love it!

it kills having the LM test back to back with the WIL PROJ.

imagine LM test on a sun!

some of my frens were cute enough to think that i actually got the wrong date.

apparently its not.

after the LM test was rushing the WIL PROJ like mad.

thank god darling jac was nice enough to submit for me.

the due time was at 5pm and i only completed it at 4pm. laughs.

thank you very much, totally appreciate your sweet-ness(:

trust?

2009-03-05T06:56:00.000-08:00

seriously, aint not upset that you lied to me,

nor upset that you hide from me,

but i'm upset that from now onwards,

i wont be able to believe in you.

it seems that only when we trust someone,

the level of vulnerability gets higher,

dont you simply agree with me?

stoppings.

2009-03-05T00:21:00.000-08:00

here i am standing by the window pane.

staring at the pattering raindrops after a stormy weather.

see giant, i told you i am afraid of the rattling thunders and lightnings.

its amazing how sudden the rain just stops.

if only a raindow could appear before me.

i guess that will lighten up my dampen mood tonnes.

how i wish that everything twirling around me could just stop.

STOP for me to take a breather.

STOP for me to look around and appreciate the beautiful things surrounding me.

STOP for me to think about what my future beholds.

STOP for me to sigh and wonder how things could turn sour so fast.

STOP for me to imagine how things would be like if you arent gone.

STOP for me to reflect on what have i done.

STOP for me to feel your presence when i am down.

STOP for me to recall how you look like whenever i shut my eyes tight.

STOP for me to relive those momentary happiness.

STOP for me to grow up in your arms.

a whole list of stoppings. and what ifs.

i just wouldnt want to wake up from my dreams, trying hard to recall how you look like.

a la memoria(:

i really appreciate the friendship that we once shared though we werent very close.

and i cant help by think that there were many misunderstandings along the way.

i rather you come directly to me and blast into my face.

rantings would help either.

but i hope this whole "grudge thing" could stop.

isnt that reaping what you sow?

due to your "withoutevident" assumptions, you jump into conclusions.

therefore thats how misunderstandings grow.

forming a huge lump of unspoken words.

apparently, we are no longer young kids frolicking around.

hence its high time you grow out of your own self centreness and spare a thought for others.

and its kinda scary to know how much you actually detest me.

but everything seems normal when you are with me.

speaking the truth doesnt hurt, but hiding something torments me more.

anyway, its back to hit the books for LM. how much i dread it badly.

life's pretty mundane isnt it?

原来你一直在我身边
不管距离多麽遥远

就算乌云在眼睛里不散
你的笑容让我灿烂

busy

2009-03-01T08:43:00.000-08:00

arghs, i have tonnes of photos to upload.

its the traffic jam period.

i have a test coming up on sun.

imagine having a test on sun? it kills.

and the following mon, wil project is due.

oh my god.

will update pretty soon though.

anyways, wishing yonghua a happy 21st bday.

its march already. imagine me turning 21 soon? sighs.

2009-02-20T10:18:00.001-08:00

i guess i have to be cruel for things to end in a good way huh?

politics.

2009-02-19T09:02:00.000-08:00

i find it quite amusing.

i have lived my life with conflicts, politics. anything you name it.

it is always so vital in organizations.

but it just seem that i nv learnt from it.

till today, i still get so affected and upset over it.

irony isnt it? you must be glad that i am feeling the slightest pinch.

anyways, rushed with jac like mad to school for the yep interview.

i suppose they dont have really good impression of us.

imagine us letting the panel wait for an hour or so.

but i am glad that i met yonghua along the way. i haven seen him in ages!

and to winston, i am sorry.

i guess i aint good at expressing how i feel.

thats why i seem to be always inflicting pain on you.

tell me what you need me to do, i'll oblige.

sinful.

2009-02-17T04:52:00.000-08:00

suddenly i realised that i have so many commitments, somehow or rather its getting on my nerves badly.

today it struck me hard, really hard, that there's no point rushing around with such a hectic schedule.
what do i do it for? why shld i be leading such a life?

why do i have to make myself so frustrated when things clashes?

i just couldnt understand why either.

i just need more free time for myself.

apparently, i miss the feeling of sitting around in a cafe, with a book or mag in my hands.

or even cozying up in my bed like a little girl with my mother stroking my forehead.

negative thoughts are clotting my brain, that i couldnt get anything done today.

imagine me not turning up for the meeting today, what negative comments would i be getting.

all of us have different priorities.

and honestly, i made the wrong step.

i could do something better with my life in SIM.

and i detest those judgemental look of yours.

thanks, but i dont need that.

time really flies fast.

i feel terribly sinful and guilty.

cant help but i guess i really hurt you badly.

sincerely i din mean to hurt you badly, though i dun really know you for a long period of time.

all i need is an opportunity to clear airs.

pls dont deprive me of that.

i suppose either party will feel better after talking things out.

jac's 21st

2009-02-12T07:30:00.000-08:00

finally i uploaded jac's 21st birthday photos.

i am famous for submitting late photos though.

i am just plain lazy, i know!

celebrated jac's birthday after class in school.

the cake caking ceremony which we distributed the cake to unknown people.

kinda fun right jac? but the birthday girl din bother asking.

it was obviously done by me and da!

stjames-ed after that with jac's secondary school clique of friends.

tired and hungry to the max! luckily we had lovely breakfast in the morn. yums!

we purposely sang the birthday song really loud! HAHA.

anyways, just hope that you enjoyed your special day.

its always a norm to say that we are the only 3 friends in SIM.

sted was really nice enough to carry the balloons all over.

i always cant see jac's eyes when she smiles.

its just like a line ________ HAHA!

*hugs!

tml its the 830am lesson again.

seriously i hate it to the core!

i have troubling waking up early and sleeping early too.

i need to tune back my body clock.

and one hilarious thing, me and jac could work part time at the photo copying shop.

somehow we are the experts in it.

imagine printing 3 thick text within 1.5 hours?

and we did not bother sorting it out.

madness.

last day of CNY

2009-02-09T09:15:00.000-08:00

HAPPY CNY PEOPLE!

today is the last day of CNY, hope that everyone enjoyed theirs.

enjoy the last few moments.

this yr is a pretty rush one, it seems as though i went all over spore.

at the least i got some catching up with my lovely cousins(:

had some really bad rash on my hands last week.

the doctor even suspected it was hand foot mouth disease.

kinda crazy, luckily i din have any of the swollen stuff on my feet.

my hands were really disgusting to the max.

visited some skin doctor at hougang for the first time.

lots of medication which i always cant be bother to take.

and 4th Feb was my DARLING JAC'S 21st BIRTHDAY!! hippee!!

hope that it was a totally huge blast for her with her sec sch frens.

ironically, we still attended school as usual, but the afternoon one though.

and feasting in school. with weird combination of food.

cake cutting ceremony held in the canteen with da&sted too.

and powerhouse-ed at night with her and her frens.

da&i was practically cabbing all over the place that day. haha.

morn breakfast was the shiok-est moment! yummy.

finally submitted WIL. heaved a sigh of relief.

been having irregular meals, i know its bad. but..

and i want my rash to recover fast! my hands are itchy badly.

to you, who is constantly standing by me always. thank you.

i cant be that selfish anymore.

but i do enjoy moments with you. esp the foodhunts! (:

TIME FOR MY MOBTV!

and photos really soon.

seriously, i am kinda lazy for photos esp when there's facebook now.

oh wait! to sidetrack a lil, i want a white doll faced maltese!

its super-the-lovely.

i need to really convince my dad! arghs.

apparently, i realised everyone is reminding me that spiderwebs are growing on my blog.

i procastinate. hence the spiderwebs.

pardon me.

2009-02-02T09:38:00.000-08:00

long journeys to and fro really make me do some soul searching.

or reflections in a sense.

was kinda wondering what do i really want out of my life.

thats the question that i have been pondering about.

what do i expect out of myself?

**shld i? or shld i not?

2009-02-01T06:45:00.000-08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YR PEOPLE!!

huat ah! and collect more red packets. (:

i promise to update prettyy soon. smiles!

sleeping pills!

2009-01-13T08:04:00.000-08:00

i cant imagine that i am awake at such ungodly hours.

i mean i cant freaking SLEEP!

gosh, could someone just offer me the sleeping pills.

seriously i hope it does help.

arghs. body clock aint tuned back to school.

and and and, i seriously dread going for lectures.

the chants.. it drowns me to sleep.

i have sooo much to rant about. but i simply dunno where to start.

i guess i am making a mess out of my life. SLAP ME!

i feel totally disgusted and disappointed in myself.

i thought that i would take things my stride.

but but but.. nevermind!

i am just blabbering nonsense up here. but.

somehow i was wondering how could someone just judge me by a few photos in facebook?

so much so that its intruding my avenue channel.

whats wrong with that? photos doesnt deem much okayy!

to put it simply, i just have to answer to myself. and not anyone else.

so be it. i lead my own life.

just feel like shunning myself away from the evil world.

its quite sad esp when its coming right from you.

i thought you understand me.

but i am soooo wrong.

to think that you could deem me the way i arent.

2009-01-04T03:21:00.001-08:00

i have learnt to be a cold blooded creature.

it suits me better.

partying

2008-12-31T22:06:00.000-08:00

happy 2009 people!

its a brand new start.

but somehow or rather, i always think that every year gets worse.

or in fact, its because i experience more worse stuff.

resolutions never actually work well with me.

or shld i put it that way, its never achievable.

hence i just hope for everyone to stay happy and healthy(:

and i am turning like 21 really soon!!

i cant imagine the thought of that. old old old.

anyway, 2008 has been a fruitful and memorable journey for me.

i found a person so dear to me, yet end up i totally lose it.

the standing by me, withstanding my endless rants.. wow. a whole list.

in the midst of losing the person so dear, perspectives change.

we viewed each other in a different angle.

i just hope that we both could be happier and come what may in the future.

travelled quite a fair bit in 2008, the unforgettable TAIWAN!!

also, i embraced a new journey in SIM with my darling jac & da.

its a totally new ball game for me, but nevertheless, i learnt to adapt.

somehow or rather, i missed the mugging session with jac.

oh my god, i cant believe that that is coming out from me. haha.

been partying too much lately, that i guess its high time i tone down.

its gonna be another yr, which means my mum aint with me for already 4 years.

i am always so afraid of forgetting how she looks like.

i was wondering if i aint gonna let go of the past, whats gonna become of me.

so i must be much stronger in 2009!

anyways, wishing all my love ones a happy and blessed 2009!

pictures aglore!

at double o with my lovely girls(:

till then!

heartless creature

2008-12-28T05:33:00.000-08:00

everytime i tried to be heartless, i will end up in tears.

why cant i just be stronger?

why cant i just hide away my sorrows?

i dun wish to lose my courage.

i truly hope that i could play a part and help to quicken your phase of misery.

all i could ask for is for you to be less pain.

its always a battle within myself to how shld i treat you.

i dun wanna further hurt you more.

guess this is the best way.

you may hate me, but i have no other alternatives.

you have a bright future ahead of you, you could meet someone nicer(:

i'll always be that guardian angel to watch over you.

sorry for all the hurt that i brought to you.

truly sorry.

milo

2008-12-25T08:38:00.000-08:00

happy 1 yr old my beloved milo!

-hope that you enjoyed yourself at the farm today and not forgetting, the huge amount of toys and snacks you have.

partyingg

2008-12-18T08:59:00.000-08:00

been partying alot lately with my babes.

going back to the normal self.

guess its really time to let go.

everything ends just as yet.

i guess fingers are always pointing at me.

but i couldn care any less.

lots of photos to be uploaded pretty soon!!

suddenly it came into my mind..

just like when i was young, my mum sitting at my bedside reading a fairy tale to me, so that i could be tuck to bed.

fairy tales do end.

but it depends on whether it ends as a sad or happy tone.

its time for me to be standing on my own feet.

i have to embark on an independent journey on my own.

"Frankly, I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together.

What is broken is broken -- and I will rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken pieces as long as I lived."

16thdec2008

wreckless

2008-12-16T21:17:00.000-08:00

i am back from malaysia people!

shall i put it as a rather wasted trip?

more or less i have seen the true colours of a guy.

someone who wrecks away happiness.

this has happened continuous times.

and expects me to fully open my arms to understand.

what love actually beholds? nothing.

i feel like i have wasted my entire life away.

how agonising it can be?

thats always the irony around human nature.

contradicting isnt it?

genting

2008-12-08T05:15:00.000-08:00

Will be having a short break till mon (15dec) to genting and KL.

meet up with your people when i am back k!

take care peeps.

and enjoy your hols(:

and sorry if i am going to miss the logistics meeting.

i miss it umpteen times.

aiyo, and 15 dec is the orientation meeting. god.

its also the briefing for next sem's module.

kill me pls.

hope everything will turn out well!

sadness

2008-12-04T08:20:00.000-08:00

the glory of sadness.

the never ending halls of path.

thats what life is all about.

收藏在眼眸常徘徊左右
爱猜到没有愉快玩笑後
能全然退後你开心就够
这种感觉太亲厚讲一千句也不够
假使讲了你听到後或会走
这种恋爱太罕有不须真正拥有
成全衷心祝福然後就放手

放手放开所有彼此更自由
放手其实我绝非爱得不够
放手豁出所有还有这个好友
已经已经足够

遥远是宇宙静静在背後
去看守就够这种感觉太亲厚
讲一千句也不够即使一刹有过冲动挽你手
这种恋爱太罕有不须真正拥有
成全多舍不得仍然是放手
放手放开所有彼此更自由
放手其实我绝非爱得不够
放手豁出所有还有这个好友
已经已经足够

放手我的牵挂找不到尽头
放手期望你幸福甚麽都有
也许爱很深厚然而我早看得透
放手至可拥有

am totally loving this song(:

2008-12-03T21:19:00.001-08:00

results are finally out.

and boy, am i relieved(:(:

2008-12-03T09:18:00.000-08:00

i guess i'll just put it behind me.

sitex

2008-12-03T07:21:00.000-08:00

working at the sitex show really made me discover a different side of me.

the desperate-ness and eager-ness to get the handphone out of the shelves.

and its tough competing with those ahem-ahem people.

"am sure jie xin knows what i meant"

once you set your target up there on the first day..

i am sooo afraid that i would be easily disappointed with the outcome for the following day.

its totally like a cycle. thur, fri, sat, sun.

and we were selling a china brand phone. the tv mobile and mp3&mp4.

the hiccups that happened here and there.

the bargains, discounts, freebies. wow. a whole list.

i was practically shouting at the top of my voice. chaotic.

and i couldn even hear myself.

the gimmicks of mics, music blasting, salesperson shouting.

suddenly i felt that the whole expo turned into a marketplace.

but like i was telling jac, i dun mind working such part time jobs.

at least time flies and i get to mingle with the customers.

they are really quite nice bunch of people.

recently, i have been meeting my darling jac every single day.

the chillouts, food feasting moments and slacking, certainly with lil nonya.

and i managed to catch up with sha just now(: lovely.

everything just fall back into place.

i wanna go penang!! =( so saddening.

somehow, i still feel the jitters of receiving the exams results.

the adrenaline is still pumping within me.

and and and, there is like more to come.

a person's more impt value is his or her pride.

without that, its like plucking out the spikes of a porcupine.

things change, ppl come and go.

but the globe wont stop evolving when you are sad.

so brace up, and why not try to look at things at a different angle?

experience and feel what happened with your inner strength.

smell the air around you, i am sure you will be able to sense and feel your love ones.

people live only once, and make that once the best you can ever live.

look at it from a different perspective, it might be a blessing in disguise?

sadness and hatred get you no where.

always view yourself as fortunate, because there are many others out there suffering.

when you realise things doesnt go your stride, do something about it.

fate is within you. fix it, turn the problem, solve it.

at least you must not give up in yourself.

no one and nothing could help to ease your pain, but only yourself.

i lost someone really very dear to me.

it was a huge hit, be it mentally or physically.

but still life goes on.

blessing in disguise? i learnt to be independent.

to deem what i can so that she wont be worried for me.

doing the best that i can, scaling greater heights.

for one reason, because i want her to be proud of me.

for all that i done, its just for that simple reason.

tears do stream down me whenever her image or memories struck me.

but for the very least, the memories are always revived in my heart.

it remains a huge part of me.

suddenly all those emotional thoughts ran through my mind.

i think my mood really swings fast these days.

tears doesnt seem to stop too.

how i wish there is a time machine.

for me to turn back time.

i only have one simple wish, to tell her that i really love her dearly(:

2008-11-26T07:16:00.001-08:00

part of me just wish to run through the rain.

dash across the road.
search for a guided path.

maybe the rain would make me feel better?

blahhhhs

2008-11-25T08:12:00.000-08:00

爱情会带给人很多烦脑

我快不能呼吸了

绕了我吧

woof woof

2008-11-20T00:04:00.000-08:00

mummy made me participate in a doggie's race.
which she did not bother to train me.
she just had her exams and she is flooded with events.
hence i din know whats going on when the race started.
it was pretty scary when i see everyone just screaming, cheering and clapping.
its like every round i have to compete with a fellow doggie.

and the first round was with my friend, vuitton which we both choose not to run.
mummy was screaming her lungs at me!
i know i am a stubborn kid, but thats me(:

i compete with like huge dogs which i let them run for 15m ahead.
i have no idea why i did that.
but i suppose that mummy was really pissed. haha.
in the end, surprisingly, i came in 3rd after competing with a collie.

i hate taking pictures but i am always being forced to. *shrugs.

P.S// many people turned up to watch the race.
and there were many huge dogs which i love growling at them.
i won a food pack for myself! yays.
but mummy did not let me have a bite of it.
slurps, its turkey with rice!!
i want to have a bite of it...

want to make a guess who i am?
its none other then me, MILO!

*WOOFS WOOF!

exams ended

2008-11-14T08:45:00.001-08:00

double yayness that exams ended!

but i seriously need proper sleep.

packed with events.

boooo.

blahblah

2008-11-06T00:06:00.000-08:00

i am like fuming mad cuz my stupid dad is going on board the cruise with his "ahem".

and yet he is not bringing me.

thats not the worst case scenario, he is going after my exams!!

and he din even tell me a single thing. arghs.

after he booked it, then he told me about it.

ITS MADNESS.

so whats the point of telling or even asking me if i wanna go?

("if its like you already booked it and its FULLY BOOKED")

irony right?

anyways, i guess everyone's chiong-ing for the HMT paper.

its madness, all 12 topics without any tips.

i prolly will go bogus after fri. how i wish that my brain absorbs all info.

luckily everynight when i ton, i have the companionship of jac.

she really nv fail to keep me awake while studying at night.

she's my coffee(:

**darling, prata and teh cino k?

baby was out after his outfield on mon till wed, and today, outfield again.

poor him, i hope everythings fine. endure!

and i am addicted to ah lu's WII. its really fun. addiction.

had aston's on tue with baby and ah lu, heavan left earlier.

i have like tons of photos not uploaded. skin me pls.

the nohohonzoku hello kitty is lovely, happy 17th(:

milo, hugo and vuitton are participating in the doggy's race.

its confirm and i cant wait to see milo run!! *woofs

"do you realise that you are making all of your family members and your loved ones worried about you?

apparently, you are no longer a 3 yr old kid.

do you think its even worth to do such things bcuz of a guy?

at my stand, all i could see is you casting more problems onto yourself.

and these problems are non existence if you dun indulge in it.

pls, its unhealthy for your mental state.

brace up and do things you enjoy.

no point crying and whining over split milk when its your choice.

its the path you choose to be in, so dont bring others agony.

everyone has their own set of problems to entertain."

2008-11-03T12:57:00.000-08:00

"Society enters every person through the process of interaction, and the self is constantly being reshaped through these encounters"

its like 5am in the morning, many things spinning in my head

that i couldn get to bed

its taunting me badly

exams mania

2008-10-28T00:33:00.001-07:00

this is trulyy an exams mania.

that i even ton with jac darling at mac.

the exams is so gonna kill me!

and my body clock is haywire. SCREAMS!

i hope that i am able to wake up on time for the ER paper.

save me pls=(

yesen's farewell partyy.

2008-10-20T13:25:00.001-07:00

with my huge procastination, here's yesen farewell party celebrations.

not because he is leaving spore, but becuz he will be serving the nation.

his gf, zilin planned this farewell partyy at her condo studio.

many of them love dancing! hence its like a practice session for them.

while me, yan & joseph sat at a corner deeply mesmerized by their grooves.

apart frm that, we were busy eating la. haha.

my dear yan! well, she is one great sis/fren and everything you could ask for.

anyway, apologies that i couldn attend your birthday celebrations.

would make up to you eh(:

HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY sweets!

*may you stay as cheerful and bubbly as ever.

i love that black furry hat that i borrowed.

words cant describe how much i truly love them! *hearts.

btw, i am glad that yesen's 2 weeks confinement ended.

the irony is that this party is before his NS,

but i am only uploading the photos after his 2 wks confinement. haha.

pardon me.

thats joseph! the youngest one of all.

but he makes a real good shopping khaki.

retail therapy after my exams k?

i prepared the beehoon while joseph bought the chicken wings.

i guess the food wasnt really enough, so pizzas came into the picture.

advert for canadian pizza. there was one that was really spicy.

here it goes...

one is kairui but the other is.. hmm, so sorry i dont know who you are.

and kairui is like a photo copy of kaiming. haha!

will show you the pictures another time yea.

look at their grooves.

i should have captured it in a video format. lol.

i had a fulfilling food marathon weekend with baby! haha.

thats because of the deepavali holidays that we get to enjoy so much.

but it simply means that i din bother to touch my books=(

had my favourite kushinbo buffet and another supper porridge buffet at quality hotel.

the queue was madness since it started at 10pm.

till then people!

stay tune for more photos!

sidetrack a little, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YAN & KENKEN(:

baby bday(:

2008-10-19T06:07:00.000-07:00

<7th>

this day marks a really special day. cuz..

its baby's 20th birthday!!

apparently, his bday this yr was just a simple occasion.

sadly that is, but no choice, because his bday happens to fall on a weekday.

which he has to be back in camp.

and on the day we celebrated his bday, he had to report back early in camp.

such terrible timings. but what to do, its NS.

had a lil mini celebration at home with a huge table of food.

a lovely feast though.

cake cutting session at home.

realised that the family has a lot of october babies.

the lil mini cake which is shared among many.

tadah! his bald look, guess thats what everyone is dying to see.

imagine having to be in your uniform when cutting a cake.

gosh, thats how rush it can be.

it was really rush, but still i managed to bake a cake of my own.

its oreo cheesecake. just freeze it in the fridge, then everything's done.

but the smashing of cookies, beating of the batter (cream cheese, butter & eggs).

thats the tedious process.

but its edible okie! haha.

as you can see, the "W" is a lil out of shape, the alignment way haywire.

its an irreversible change=(

actually i din know whats the dot on top for.

it was meant to cover up some flaws. but yea..

the huge feast, not forgetting, the booze too.

the dumplings was lovelyy.

hope that you love the sleek wallet. i din know what to get at first.

anyway, after baby booked out of camp during the weekends.

we had another round of simple celebration at creations.

it was just a simple and pleasant dinner but hope you enjoyed it.

the pasta we love completely!! *slurpps.

tadah(: hope that you enjoy your simple celebration this yr.

but i am sure your 21st would be a better and more memorable one.

ku-shin-bo pls! hahaha.

(:(: *weeee..

exam madness!

2008-10-08T10:24:00.000-07:00

its the exam craze now!
and MS JACINTHA SEBASTIAN JOSEPH &

MS HUANG SHUWEN AMANDA has officially been my study khakis.
truly, they made great study partners.
with the never ending munching sessions & weird topics that came up for chats.
wow! they brighten up my mellow day(:
though we are really trying our best to stay focus.
but for now, our study areas has been ever changing. haha.
all the notes that i have studied so far are all jumbled up in my brain.
everyday is just a plain mugging day i suppose.
on a side note, i have been a goody good girl accompanying my dad for dinner at times.
and i have a monster who cheers and at the same time irritate me, right MILO MONSTER?

my dear cousin is entering NS tml, hope everything will be smooth sailing for him.
and to zilin, look for me if you need someone yea.
the surprise farewell partyy was a huge success on sun night.
the dance grooving sessions which me, yan2 and joseph admired. lol.

celebrated baby's family & dad birthday over at my place on sun.
its the october babies, in fact many of them.
i made my very own oreo cheesecake.
and trust me, it turned out fine. haha! lovelyy.

sometimes, i cant help but to wonder what does my future behold.
how i wished i was at the period of time taking Olevels.
how i regret not appreciate the time i had last time. arghs.
the sad thing is, no turning back time.
external gathering at sentosa was a huge success too!
and that drowned me with huge body aches. haha.

anyway, i have lots of photos to upload! coming soon kk?

P:S// to all ex greenviewans out there, there'll be homecoming 2008 on the 15th nov.

tickets selling at $20. come to me for details yea

its gonna be a huge blast so come, join in the fun!!

lets partyyyyy..

"i seriously hope things aint changing between us.

i dont wish to see that happening.

i hope that expectations are met."

mid-autumn(:

2008-10-08T09:43:00.000-07:00

as usual, with my "procastination-power".

let me take you back to the mid autumn festival. haha.

i had a fulfilling mid autumn festival seeing my favourite HELLO KITTY!

this year's one was interesting. but the usual walking is needed.

went chinese garden with baby's family.

this yr's theme was hellokitty in some f8 race, i dun really rmb.

so now, shall show you the photos!

it was lucky that we went on a weekday, there werent much ppl.

the bridge to lantern fantasy 2008!

the main potrait you see when you walk through the bridge.

dun you think those sanrio characters are cute and lovely?

even mr or.jiao was lovely that day. haha.

vahh vaaaa brroommm. ms hello kitty was first!

catch mr winston tan's mega watt smile!
that doesnt come often. oopss. haha.

dun they look like kebabs to you?

personally i feel they look like deliciouslycutetempting&lovely kebabs.

just gobble them down!

this is really cute&funny. i wanted to try playing it.

but i guess i was too huge in a way.

really fun! just that the kid there looked as though he was about to cry.

he was really trying hard to move the balloon.

hello kitty in wonderland.

thats ben&dene. the background was lovely(:

eh, i cant rmb whats this little boy called. anyone?

baby wanted to take a photo with the lil pair of monkeys. cute aint they?

in fact, some of the photography skills were quite bad. so nt posting them up.

and the saddest thing was that my batt went low halfway through.

spoiler right! arghs.

till then! (:

bday wishes(:

2008-10-07T08:49:00.000-07:00

birthday dedication to my dearest!

*HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE(:

sad

2008-09-19T09:15:00.000-07:00

now i understand how does everyone feels when their dear one enters army.
a whole long list of words to describe.
its like when you needed him, it aint around.
nevertheless, thanks for the concern people!
esp jade, my AJA, jaclyn and many more.
thanks for standing by me during the toughest moments.
its like during such moments you will realise who are the dearest ones(:
technically, thats when they stand by you.

"guess both of us have been counting down.
around 7 more days for you to book out.
how i wish time flies."

apparently, its either my internet connection has prob or blogger.
i cant seem to upload any photos! its pissing me off.
i have like tonnes to upload.

*JACLYN!! you see, i have seen you!
hope that unlucky moment wouldn come yea.
you'll definitely get what i meant.

dedication

2008-09-13T10:50:00.000-07:00

" Love is a journey that knows no end"

* just for laughs. suddenly i found this photo.

and i think it looks super duper cute. dont you think so?

loves!

busy busy

2008-09-13T09:31:00.000-07:00

sorry for the lack of updates people!
been entirely busy lately. but i have no idea with what.
and i kept getting sick these days. the flu and fever bug is killing me.
projects, tests, events, meetings, chalets, BBQs.. the list goes on.
it reallyy makes my head spin.
furthermore, baby is entering army soon [on tue] which is like in 2 days time?
i guess i will feel quite lost for the time being?
hopefully i have many things to keep myself occupied. *sighs.

and the bloody MR lesson have to change frm mon to tue.
totally lost the mood for school. thats quite scary.
someone pls let me find my motivation back for school yea? pretty pls.
suddenly i feel so lost. like going to school just for the sake of it?
i have no idea what i want to achieve, where am i heading to and whats best for myself.
saddening eh?
when you are at work, you yearn to get back to school.
when you are in school, you hope to be able to work fast.
thats the irony. arghhhs.

realised i have actually missed out in many things lately=(
i want to have the best of both worlds.
but its really impossible. perhaps i am plain greedy?

on a lighter note, i finally went to chinese gardens to celebrate the mid autumn festival this yr.
i really love the hello kitties there! lovely(:
been stuffing myself with alot of good food lately. buffets and all.
had jap buffet with baby, louis and chongteng.
and finally my tim sum buffet with AJA.
like taitais for that day, shopping and mani/pedi cures.
its high time to shed off some fats!

*updates for AH BU DA birthday BBQ at my place(:

TADAH! karwei-wei present to DA!

the flour tekan-ing part.
a pity that it wasnt completed right jac?
see la, who drink so much!

as usual, she doesn like me taking pictures of her.

BBQ-ed at my house downstairs.

mandy, daph, clara, da, jac, me, yixuan.

the boys were busy being mariahs - baby & karwei.

taken at my house, i have no idea why is it so dark.

AJA AJA AJA!

the ever so hyper daph.

Till then! (:

Taiwan Day 2..

2008-09-01T06:39:00.000-07:00

back to my update after the lovely TAIWAN!

sometimes i dread uploading photos into blogger.

it either gets hang or the alignment runs all over the place.

its frustrating. plus i aint that savvy with it.

so to let me end my misery.

be nice and let me backtrack on day 2 happenings alrights?

i have like huge huge truckloads of photos to upload!

day 2 is happening, as in really happening!!

schedule was hectic due to the many places to go to.

and the weather was really bad that alishan was taken off the package=(

raining, thunderstorms. you name it, you got it.

ended up at fo-ming-shan instead. from kaoshiung to puli.

puli was where we had the hot/cold spring in the hotel. SHIOK!

the street stall at puli in the middle of the night. yummy.

they have like reallllyy alot of street food which was tasty to the max.

the lovely lady that cooked a little of everything for me to try.

the people there are really lovely, their service is beyond words.

those makeshift stalls have really alot of stray cats and dogs.

its unbelievable that they could just leave their stall in the open.

most importantly, without any thieves.

after the hot/cold spring, we had a tribal performance.
that was really entertaining. those dance moves are quite hmm, cute?
next up, after the performance, we had a night trekking ard the area. very adventurous indeed!
everyone was armed with torches and umbrella.
its brrr..cold, rainy, dark, mysterious.. and dangerous!

those dancers that performed.

sadly, i din managed to snap any photos of the hot/cold spring.

because they din allow cameras=(

at the outskirts of puli, the tour guide brought us to see this.

its the wreckage of a temple during one of their worse earth quakes.

imagine 4 storey-ed temple crumbling down to 1?

luckily no one was killed at that time. it happened ard 2-3am.

some revamps going on at the side of the wrecked temple.

the government din wanna take away that, its a form of reminiscence.

take a look at how badly destroyed is it.

had our lunch at some hakka restuarant. its somehow like a hut.

they have little shops selling our childhood toys and candies.

i remembering seeing them in some "mama" shop in spore.

very old school though.

but i tell you, the food really sucks there.

only the adults appreciate it, not us. yucks.

and that area had some cow cum horse dung smell. its really bad!

ta-dah!!

the little goodies that they sell.

the entrance of the hakka restuarant. its quite run down on the inside.

in the morn, we started off our journey at fo-ming-shan.

they have many many statutes, scriptures, monks..

and the scenery is really beautiful. breath-taking.

a pity it was raining quite heavily.

that i felt so uncomfortable walking ard in realllyy wet shoes.

it has a real long passage way before going into the main hall.

and that area is really big! you have to walk up and down the stairs non stop.

look at all this little buddhas, every little buddha is being sponsored by someone.

so that someone has to take good care of it.

like maintaining the good paint and furnish, offerings...

its believed that to knock that huge bell it brings luck. its heavyy.

its like a mountain. this is one of the winding and turning course up the hill.

little buddhas are lined all over.

poor them, have to battle rain and shine all day long.

*gong! its my turn now(:

that pond is like filled with many many coins!

when you fling the coin, it has to hit a bell in the middle.

if it makes the *gong, you can make your wishes.

does this prove how big fo-ming-shan is?

to side track a little, this is one of the loveliest food that we ate at kaoshiung night market.

the creamy steam soup with rice. it just make you drool.

we went crazy shopping! just look at the bags around me.

their nike, adidas, puma and all are really cheap.

plus their design is wow!

the people there really dress up very nicely.

they either dress in the hip hop or nerdy way.

plus their hairstyles are trendy=)

to be continued with day 3.. *procastinate

randoms

2008-08-20T13:57:00.000-07:00

at some unearthly hour of the day, i am still rushing for my hmt proj.

pssss. 5.02am.

luckily i had the girls with me.

we had some crazy bbq just now which the security guard kept ranting at us.

and my eyes and my mind are giving me crankiness big time.

nothing is coming out of me.

i just need SLEEP! sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep.

the projects are driving me nuts these days.

i have plentiful of photos to be uploaded.

anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE AUG BABIES!

- amanda ah bu, zilin, adeline, vivian, louis.. and the list goes on(:

i oh-so-agree that this is such a random entry.

TAIWAN 4th june - 9th june PART 1

2008-08-04T10:11:00.000-07:00

HEY PEOPLE!

enjoy yea(:

some holiday insights which i have been really dying to blog about.

but as usual, i procastinate alot.

i guess i went taiwan during the june holidays period?

its a meaningful and a relaxing break.

that was the time when i truly needed a break-away from teleplan.

been all over taiwan - Kaohsiung, Puli, Tai Chung, Chiufen, and Taipei.

celebrated a special occasion there too. its lovely(: right baobao?

day 1 - arrived at Kaohsiung airport with our tour group.

families and adults which we have different focus.

time is quite a constraint when you are travelling in a tour.

i guess some of our tour group was quite pissed that we are some shopaholic.

this is the love river that we did not have a chance to cruise along.

the weather was really bad, raining non stop.

can you imagine taking an umbrella along to take photos? spoiler.

i love their di-gua! yummy.

another place we visited was the Spring & Autumn Pavilion & the Tiger Pagoda.

it was quite tiring climbing up the pagoda.

look at the zig zag pathway. beautiful view eh.

the really bad weather. my tour guide was quite nice though.

he never failed to entertain us as many mood was dampen due to the bad weather.

to be continued with day 2....

hurt

2008-07-21T10:17:00.000-07:00

amazingly, your words just hurt me again.

why do you have to always harbour that thought.

its beyond believe that you are still thinking about the same old thing.

i thought things have changed.

perhaps thats just my wishful thinking.

mtt wedding / graduation

2008-07-10T10:57:00.000-07:00

finally.. i have the time to blog some long OVER-dued photos.

mr timothy tan's wedding and the graduation photos.

dear jade, pardon me ok! haha. dun scream at me for the late updates.

i still have the taiwan photos at the back of my head.. gosh.

school at SIM been fine so far, just that the timetable is very slack.

been finding programs to occupy time.

and that means cash flow has been rather tight for me.

while you are working, you think about heading back to school.

but while you are in school, you rather work to earn money. haha.

i know that sounds really contradicting.

i find it rather difficult to make friends as well.

perhaps the class is way too big.

furthermore, i believe everyone just goes for their classes.

and after 3 hours, POOF! off they go.

blame it on me not bothering to go for orientation.

met up with andy to discuss about homecoming 2008. sighs.

joined dear kris and jon to visit hotels too. gosh.

guess we are really late this time round. hope everything goes on smoothly!

thats all for now, here's mr timothy tan's wedding photos!

this wedding is rather special.

we are supposed to come up with some well wishing for the newly weds.

"always let your creativity flows"

well, i was in charge of the decoration for the mini fair after the ceremony.

lucky i had kris to help me out.

the two little ones that helped me(:

this little wooden stuff made me and kris stayed up the whole night before the wedding.

we were busy piecing it up.

cutting alphabet styrofoams, wrapping it with nicely..

and bundling up some souvenirs with lovely messages.

you should imagine us with the huge eye rings.

"THANKS SWEETS"

************************************************

Now, for the graduation photos!

thats' my dad(:

some of BH0528.

glad that they brought colours to my poly days.

mr louis chong who is posing to be winston's dad-of-the-day!

young huh..

ahem.. ahem..

presenting to you lovely shiting whom i knew during my teleplan days.

she's readily there for my constant grumblings. haha(:

i'll never forget that.

luckily i had eileen beside me during the ceremony.

because she did a great job accompanying me throughout.

thats dear jac, whom shared with me everything.

the words you shared with me.

never will be forgotten.

lynette, whom i was once truly close to.

those talks that lead to tears.

and not forgetting liyi!

i miss those bsu days. HAHA.

darling sha, glad that you filled the complete 3 years of my poly days.

i cant express how thankful i have to have you.

not forgetting dear jade as well. dont be sad that your bf is not ard k!

you still have me(:

last but not least, the three of us ^^

randoms

2008-07-01T08:39:00.000-07:00

a new school term starts tml.
well, kinda dread to get back to school?
in a sense that i have lost touch with school for really quite some time.
hope to have a brand new start(:

anyway, i left teleplan last friday.
i guess working there has taught me many things.
i get to see the cruelty of mankind. a different sight of people.
its best to not get involve with any issues. politics eh.
like what henry said, "teleplan is not suitable for the faint-hearted".
what he said really struck me hard. and i truly believe in that.
i am glad that i managed to hold on and continue working in there for 3 mths?
especially with the travelling from pasir ris all the way to boonlay.
really glad that those days are over!
but one things' for sure, i'll never forget the people there.

tonnes of outdated photos to upload.
shall start it with my sweetie kris bday.
i actually liaise with her mum for all of us to surprise her at her house. haha!
and i managed to smuggle milo there(:

on the actual day of her bday, all met up at town.

brought her round to shop for her bday presents.

then settled down for dinner at modestos. the pizza is huge yet yummy.

let the photos do the talking.

the oh-so-huge and yummy pizza.

that was taking during our shopping spree in taka.

me.kim.kris

ade.me.kim

thats the adidas watch i got for her.

hope that she loves it(:

the part that everyone decorated her room.

balloons and glitters all over.

the guys, who never filled to bring joy.

the girls, who gone through thick and thin.

thats all for now!

stay tune for more photos(:

trip(:

2008-06-02T08:42:00.001-07:00

want to wish my darling kris "A HAPPY HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY"

had a great celebration with them though i was really tired.

did not manage to join them for the 2nd part of the celebration at minds' cafe.

shopped ard taka where everyone take turns to get her gift.

which i got her an adidas watch(: hope that she loves it.

then dine at modesto's, food's lovely there. yums.

sometimes i guess it aint the right move to work at teleplan.

regrets? yes, certainly.

but i guess none of us can turn back time.

working has become really too life-less.

have yet to upload the graduation photos, will do that really SOON!

on a lighter note, i will be off to TAIWAN on the 4th to the 9th night.

cheers, hopefully that serves as a good old break for me(:

meanwhile, take care people!

my birthday(:

2008-04-29T01:38:00.000-07:00

YIPPIE!!

finally.. i have the time to blog about my birthday.
work at teleplan has been draining that i dont even bother to touch my laptop when am home.

the work aint that good after all? i dunno how to put it.

its ot ot ot and ot everyday. pity the people there.

i guess they dun really have much life over there.

but most importantly, i really enjoy the companionship over there.

fun loving and hilarious, at least they made my day.

appreciate all the lovely birthday celebrations, surprises and well wishings(:
BIG THANK YOU TO ALL!

dad organised some bday buffet at home for me.
the oreo-cheesecake was delicious. yums.
he seems more excited than i am when everyone comes.and mr.milo was a good boy that day(:

thats tricia&penny, knew them since i was really young.

my mums side; yanyan, yesen, zilin & joseph.

my aunt sally is in the picture, mums 2nd sis.

lovely yan&shermaine.

from the paternal side; annabelle&abigail.

my long-time childhood friend, jolene.

apparently, she's much taller than me now.

presenting my bday present from mrwinstontan, the pinkie ds lite. lovely.

we had MOF; ministry of food at bugis one of the days before bday.

couldn remember whens the exact date though. the food's delicious.

went to kbox on the day of my birthday at marinasq. it was quite weird at first.

in the end, it was quite a blast. with lots of photos taken.

my favourite chocolate banana cake!

baby treated me to PASTAdeWARAKU for dinner on my bday.

lovely pizzas and pastas.

luckily we pre-booked it, or else we have to queue.

really enjoyed my 20th birthday spent with you.

it was a huge blast and an unforgettable one.

thanks for all the lovely effort you put it to make it memorable(:

- dedicated to mrwinstontan

the next surprise i had from baby was to the SPORE FLYER!

... can you imagine he tried to blindfold me from marinasq all the way to the spore flyer?

i was trying to wobble myself through the whole time.

but it was a real huge and amazing surprise.

thanks love!

the spore flyer was a great experience.. but i guess everyone would only go up there once.

the starting was great, whereby you really enjoyed the beautiful night sceneries.

and you will feel soo majestic up there.

but after ard 20 mins, you will realise the view's all the same through out.

luckily there was only another couple in the same capsule as us.

though some unfortunate things happened just after the ride.

but still i enjoyed my bday thoroughly spent with you(:

more photos will be uploaded soon.
till then!

peek-aaa-booo

2008-03-27T08:54:00.000-07:00

now, be prepared for a photo infested entry.

pardon me for some long over due photos.

had my mini birthday celebration with dearest may&bizhu at sakae, whitesands.

it was a rather impromptu one.

but still i had FUN!! reminiscence good old secondary school days.

still remember those heart wrenching moments, embarrassing situations and dead shitty ones.

i guess all of us grew up, taking different paths in life.

sometimes if time could be re-whined, how i wish to go back to those moments.

those were the fun times w/o any worries.

after the mini celebration, i brought mr.milo back home.

luckily dad din say much or else i would be slaughtered alive.

anyway, i was quite desperate for help when mr.milo was whining non stop.

that i practically called up everyone.

thanks jac, though i might have scared you for the sudden desperate-ness.

not forgetting, the meet up with my regina darling.

headed to town for ajiteh, then chilled at gelare.

the serenity of the afternoon. i love chilling out at quiet places.

especially when you have whopping ice-cream and a lovely partner to chat up with.

thumbs up! mama-meeeya!

in the midst of everything, everyone celebrated milo's, dene's and my birthday, all 3 in 1.

it was just a quick one whereby pizza was ordered and everyone crowded ard.

milo was extremely excited with the big commotion. awesome!
poor mr.milo, just had his injection on that day as well.

hence he was a little lethargic.

Presenting to you, the naughtyyy mr. milo!

spent a simple saturday with yanyan. lunch-ed and the usual shopping spree.

the long awaited so-called class bbq photos.

it was held at jade's area. and headed to 6am after that.

last but not least, the january jay chou concert.

i know i am slow! haha!

hatred

2008-03-20T11:24:00.000-07:00

do everything just turned into hatred?

i guess it just did. or should i say its a matter of time?

to put it all in a crude way.

i mother fucking hate your selfishness. and your bloody assumptions.

intentions were never meant to be.

ultimately, like what its due, it is just a cycle. a routine.

you totally lost the spring of thoughts and actions.

hatred or love? a vast difference, but its getting into the way.

but the greatest menace of you is your self assumptions.

assuming that whatever intentions you have is for the best of me.

as a matter of fact, it heeded quite a wrong turn though.

impossible to trust what is heard or said any further.

"The best thing is not to hate anyone, only to love. That is the only way out of it. As soon as you have forgiven those whom you hate, you have gotten rid of them. Then you have no reason to hate them; you just forget"

GOTTEN RID OF THEM? JUST FORGET? -- just as much as i wanted to.

hopeitheals

thoughts.

2008-03-13T09:16:00.000-07:00

headed down to the Isetan private sales at Scotts today.

and i wasnt surprised with the hordes of people.

but the place was sure stuffy and i felt quite breathless.

esp when i was lurging around a huge bag of things!

dined at Sushi Teh with baby, bro, dad & chels.

i wasnt at the slightest best of terms with dad though.

because i felt that he shld be more reasonable and let me bring milo back home.

i just wanted to give milo a good home.

and i want milo as my companion. its that simple.

furthermore, i dont wish to keep troubling people with my problems.

felt entirely guilty towards baby's family.

i mean they could just ignore my wilfulness of buying a puppy..

and its not their responsibility to help me look after milo.

get what i mean?

felt that i am kind of at wits' end.

today things get pretty out of hand with milo.

suddenly i feel so frustrated? or shld i say desperate?

i terribly want him to learn where to poo and pee properly.

he starts running around the house, peeing all over.

if its at my own home, i wouldnt mind him doing that.

as i can be around anytime to clear the terrible mess up.

but now, milo is not at my home, and and and.. i dun wish to trouble others.

the moment i shut my eyes, i can imagine the whines and cries of milo.

it gets really that bad!

staring into his sparkling eyes, i sense his innocence, cuteness.

but sometimes i just feel like spanking his butt to make sure he learns.

furthermore, baby wouldn come over that often,

as it would be irresponsible to leave milo at hm alone.

hence this i have to learn.

i suppose sacrifices would eventually take place.

i am truly aware that milo takes time to adapt.

apparently its been quite some time?

sighs, just venting some frustrations out.

can anyone help me??

eventually, i cant rush things, he is still a baby.

some random thoughts.

i have no idea why am i affected by some detrimental people.

and the main point is that, they are people who aint important in my life.

i should just brush them out of my life completely yea?

hopefully, i would feel better.

guess its always part and parcel to meet such people in any phase of one's life.

~in our hearts, i guess at many points in time we wonder.

would our lives be affected by having a new member that evolves around us?

would we be able to handle the differences that occur?

would we be able to cope life being in 4 walls?

come what may, would things change?

certainly, i believe that if we work things out properly.

things would work out in our stride.

thankful that you accepted me the way i are.

and hopefully things would turn out fine. ~

sacrifice. learn. patience. give&take. understand. accept. truth. time.

through it all, i have to learn.

ANYWAY, STAY HAPPY PEOPLE!

as happy people are always beautiful people=P

updates.

2008-03-12T06:06:00.000-07:00

just a quick update over here.

been really busy with milo lately.

Oh Ya! btw, gotten a silky terrier, just 2 months old.

and he costs me a huge bomb you know.

its quite bad when he keeps pee-ing and shit-ting all over.

the smell is really disastrous.

but on the account that he's really cute.

i will not mind all those. HAHA.

he's just like a baby. who wants ppl to cuddle cuddle.

and you know what, my dad doesnt allow me to keep it.
he just has all sort of excuses.
so poor milo, ended up at winston's place.
felt really guilty though, gave them so much trouble.
my sincere apologies(:

gotten a new red camera too. fujifilm z10. its lovely.
and and and the new series marc ecko watch.
been eyein on it for quite some time.
high time i shld start saving. broke!

YAY!

2008-03-08T08:53:00.000-08:00

Something has happened to my blogger.

i have no idea what has gone wrong with the template.

arghs. i dont have the patience to do smth about it.

Headed down to the IT SHOW with my lovely sha&jade today.

not forgetting that baby joined us a lil while later.

it was packed with people! and i had gotten a new camera(:

anyway, exams are over! and i GRADUATED unofficially.

been busy going out these days.

dropped by SIM open house yst with amanda&jac dear.

had our BBQ over at jade's place and headed down to 6am later part at night.

it was great hanging out with the rest.

*photos soon.. feel so lazy.

exams!

2008-02-27T19:16:00.001-08:00

apparently, i've been doing a lot of redundant stuff instead of studying.

like baking cookies. hitting the gym, playing tennis..

not forgetting, having lovely breakfast a few days in a row.

high time that i should really hit the books. arghs.

time really flies, its the final exams in our poly life.

so.. GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE!

and happy birthday to gerald song(:

have tonnes of photos to upload. and also on ENTREDAY.

will do so after the exams.

CHEERIOS!

v day.

2008-02-13T23:36:00.000-08:00

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO ALL!
- enjoy this lovey dovey season with your love ones

and not forgetting,
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR
- its a season to collect more red packets, many to gamble, eat and huat ah!

been real sick these days.
tuition affected greatly. i think the parents might want to sack me.
lessons all haywire these days.
go to school yet lesson cancelled. sighs.

i regret.

2008-01-25T02:54:00.001-08:00

i shouldnt be looking into it in the first place.

but some pull attracted me to it.

now, i am feeling all upset and messed up.

like i am the cause of everything.

maybe its time i wash my hands off the whole issue.

in the first place, it aint my problem at all.

this idea suddenly struck me hard. real hard.

so why should i bother?

Photos!

2008-01-22T21:23:00.000-08:00

here are some longg overdued photos. lazy as i always blamed on.

and this is the outcome of my permed hair.

endless comments that i received.

but whats done cant be undone yea.

i just have to be hardworking, to get out of bed earlier.

to butter my hair with cream.

baby brought me to mt faber jewel box in the start of jan.

it was a romantic place. ambience was great.

but seriously, the food sucks. haha.

the ambience is the worthwhile thing that i believed everyone went there for.

i thought that there was some show or performance.

unfortunately, there was my own wishful thinking.

the show that was said to be was just lightings and foam, acting as snow.

well, the photo is quite bad though. we were trying to take the "snow" instead.

all in all, i managed to catch up with some lovely friends.
the endless chilling out at coffee clubs, the retail therapy-s.
it really made my mellow day(:

went to KL and Genting in 2007 after christmas with my family.
enjoyed the trip though most time spent with baby and tristan.

quite sad that i got some food poisoning.

which forbids me to join them during their shopping trips.

that fake smile, everytime i see that photo.
its just as though someone is being replaced.
time just seems to fly.
and i really went on a trip with them.
some facts can never be changed.

anyways, CHINESE NEW YEAR is ard the corner.

and exams will be after that. sighs.

i'll be graduating in 2 mths time.

good luck in your projects people!

though i know it can mean lesser sleeping time.

and more dark eye rings. haha.

all the way(:

thanks for tolerating everything.

and its really great to have you standing by me(:

enjoy those trips that i shared with you!

happy 2008!

2008-01-09T20:36:00.000-08:00

i know its already mid jan of 2008, and yea, i haven updated for a long time.

but i still want to wish everyone a..

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008!

2007 has been a great year for me.

i had lovely friends by my side.

my wonderful baby and the list goes on.

a fulfilling year for me as i have been on many trips.

the shanghai one with regina and the others is unforgettable.

my thailand trip with baby.

been to batam like wow, i think 4 times.

also, the Genting & KL trip with my family.

enjoyed the Genting & KL trip with baby, my bro and my dad.
mr tristan tan and mr winston tan seem to be clicking off very well.

all i could say is 2007 made me what i am today.

the ups and downs, the obstacles i faced.

those nurtured me tremendously.

thank you for all that stood by me.

really happy that i finished my IPP too.

being attached at HP, i know many sweet&caring colleagues.

who seem to bring me all around Singapore just for good food.

on the other hand, i realise i have to let things go.

things changes. its never going to be the same again.

but deep in me, i am happy that dad is happily married.

its ok, because i am not obligned to mingle well with her.

not forgetting my beloved mum who never fails to protect me.

you gave me the strength(:

2008!

anyways, baby brought me to mt faber, the jewel box.

its a lovely place, romantic.

and i love those cable car rides.

managed to catch up with quite a few ppl recently.

those chilling outs, retail therapy. hoho.

i should tell myself to cut down on online shopping.

and quickly go take my btt. i keep procastinating. oops.

Chinese New Year is ard the corner, i am looking forward to it.

but aint looking forward for exams. haha.

in just a few months time, i will be graduating.

like time really flies. 3 whole years.

have no idea what my future beholds though. come what may i guess?

btw, i permed my hair yst. a different look.

and i think i look like a poodle. lol.

was stuck at the salon with kris dear one whole day. god.

arghs, and i want a puppy yet my dad dun want to get it for me!

photos for Msia trip, Batam trip and Mt Faber to be updated soon(:

good luck for all the never ending projects and icas!

Merry Christmas

2007-12-25T10:13:00.000-08:00

A BIG HAPPY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE!

hope that everyone can enjoy this special day with their special someone.
just like i did(:
also, hopefully everyone enjoyed their holidays!

in a blink of an eye, my polytechnic days are gonna end in a few months time.
i wonder what my future beholds.
anyway, holidays are ending yet i haven started my projects. arghs.
but i had a fruitful holidays enjoying every moment thoroughly!
managed to hang out with some friends, the catching ups, clubbings..
the chilling outs and definitely the shopping! haha.
not forgetting the continuous feasting..

been to BATAM twice too! love the life style there.
its great going back there though(: i simply love it.
the first with my lovely kris, jiawei and yonghua.
the second with baby, jade darling and her bf.
had a refreshing spa and massage there and it was cheap.
constant feasting on seafood, gado gado and lots.
had dozens of donuts, batik clothings, shopping ard for facial products and wow.
the list goes on and on. everything was cheap.
though i spent a huge sum in total.
am way too broke now especially after the christmas.

missed the party at shane's place with the usual people.
but i had other plans which i really enjoyed!
spent my first christmas with my baby and many others, it was great.
the movie marathon, pizza hut. wow! though time flies.

upload the pictures real soon. amanda always said i kidnap her photos!

WILL BE OFF TO MSIA- GENTING & KL at 6am later till sun night.
hope thats the trip aint boring.
luckily i have the companionship of my baby.

-nothing ever changes-

2007-12-11T05:06:00.000-08:00

时间不会为我难过而停留。

sunshine after rain.

2007-12-04T18:08:00.000-08:00

and now its sunshine after the rain.

screwed up.

2007-12-03T07:27:00.000-08:00

i have the sudden urge to blog.

feel so screwed up inside out.

unveiled the mask to sorrows.

i dun really know how to express or describe how i feel?

its just stuck in my heart.

i hate such issues. but yet nth could be done.

i guess i earn my title of being a dumbass.

it never pays to be nice to people.

it never will be.

i need to MOTIVATION to complete my projects.

its all piling yet..

furthermore, i dread to go to sch everyday.

i just have the feeling of skipping lessons.

tell me whats wrong will you?

the fatal blow is when the person closest to you;

takes the side of someone else.

thats the ultimate dissapointing part.

anyways, i think my dad is an insensitive person.

his actions are beyond believe;

while his words are un-imagineable.

his wedding is on sun.

i wonder what type of heart shld i bring to face it.

tell me what to do will you?

and PROM 2007 is over(:

shall share the photos another time.

photos!

2007-12-03T06:58:00.001-08:00

dont you simply agree? yuppa dubba doo.

headed down to Plush & MOS with the pretty ladies.

and yea, Plush is really boring.
we got chased out of our seats as well. when we have jugs of drinks.

and i lovve the sofa in the toilet!

while waiting for the others with amanda at central.

it was a long longg wait though.

thats the lovely amanda.

glad that i have the both lovely with me during my years of poly.

love them loads.

not forgetting this important someone who stuck by me.

in my heart always; just like a tattoo.

some feasting moments that we shared.

last but not least, my beloved cousins!

attachment

2007-11-05T19:42:00.000-08:00

yay(: finally attachment is ending.
i cant wait to get back to campus.

but on the contrary, i would be missing my colleagues here.
within this short span of 2.5 mths, enjoyed their companionship alot.
guess i wouldn be able to post photos of them here.
din managed to snap any photos. sad.

when school starts, would start working at motorola at cathay.
hopefully that would be a pleasant working environment.
when i went there to fill up the application form, i was quite dumbfounded?
my heart sank somehow.
i have no idea if i would adapt to that environment.
phones and technology stuff are never my fonte.
kinda stressful, hopefully things dont go wrong.
i dunno how to describe how i feel though.
but yea, wish me luck!
i believe i can overcome all obstacles(: